Does Barack Obama Watch Porn?

Some of this has been previously blogged I think but unless you’re Roxanne, most of you are reading this on accident. (The Secret says I should be more positive!) OR You guys just discovered me and are going to go back and read some older blogs. Why do I need to justify myself to random people reading this? Look, Comedy is hard. It takes months to write a few minutes. So what if add a couple sentences to the same 5 blogs from last month. This blog is just to prove to my parents that I write jokes during my spare time so they will keep supporting me and paying my health insurance. Which I’m going to need. The stress of comedy is killing me slowly lately. Hopefully I’ll be able to write a joke about it later and laugh but for now. urghhh.

A guy told me recently that the only reason Obama won re-election, is because the stupid people voting for him are breeding too fast. I was like yeah? We’re letting 4 year olds vote now? I mean I get what he was trying to say, but still it doesn’t even make sense for your argument. We asked for free birth control and you guys said no. HELP US, HELP YOU.

I dunno. I’m not as political as I’d like to be. I mean, I voted for Obama, but just because Jay-Z told me to. It just doesn’t feel like anything I can do matters. I’m poor and I don’t live in Ohio, so my vote doesn’t count. None of the issues affect me. Mexicans are stealing our American jobs. Eh. I don’t want a job. Attack an issue for the bottom. Mexi Fries are stealing our American Fry Jobs. Seriously, Mexi fries are everywhere. What do we do? That’s a delicious argument.

I follow Obama on twitter, I don’t really know why. I also follow pornstars on twitter and I am pretty sure we all know why. But the crazy thing is on twitter, if you follow the same people, twitter will tell you. Turns out, Obama is also following this same pornstar. How is that not a bigger issue? Fox News Headline: Obama’s into white women. They like race things right? That’s dumb. I dunno. Why is he following pornstars? Is the government monitoring his websites? He can’t go to youporn or whatever? How does Obama even watch porn? He’s the President of the United States! People can barge in at any minute! The secret service is outside his door like: “Hmm. There’s a sock on the door, but the twin towers are falling. What do we do?”

Obama shouldn’t have to watch Porn, the first lady should be on top of that. That’s in your job description. What is she gonna do? Say no? You’re the President. Make an executive order. “Look, Honey, it’s either this or Guantanamo Bay, You choose. If I don’t calm down, I’m going to bomb a country. C’mon.”

Now for the facts so you all stop judging me. I was following one porn star. but only because she was from Seattle and I was trying to get her to RT my video with the joke about her so I could get famous. but she posted so many naked pictures, it became cumbersome. “90% of my day is spent trying to avoid masturbating.” I don’t need to follow a pornstar to have dirty thoughts. Those pop in my head all by myself. Also. Obama was following a different pornstar. I googled it, and it isn’t the one I was looking at years ago. These thoughts take a while to develop. The thoughts I write down in my phone as I lay down to bed tonight won’t see the blog for about a year. Unless it’s a good one that gets to the front of the line. Enough behind the scenes. I actually write lots of jokes. I don’t watch porn all day. That’s all you need to know.