More OKCupid stuff

Here’s a couple un worked out premises and jokes. For the previous context of the online dating jokes go to this post.

Online dating is weird.

Sometimes I see profiles for people I know in person. Sometimes some of them are girls that have rejected me, in person. I’m like bullshit you like funny guys, I’m hilarious and you hate me.

OkCupid also lets you edit other people’s profiles. When is that EVER a good idea? “Hi my name is kacey and I’m a dumb bitch who doesn’t respond to emails.” I wanna go to some girls profile who I know in person and upload a random photo.

They make you answer all these questionnaires. but it’s the most useless stuff. I’ve answered close to 500 questions and none of them are team edward or team jacob. That could be a huge dealbreaker for me. Then you fill out all these questions on your profile like what are you looking for in a match. Everyone has a huge list of demands. I could list a bunch of things I like or don’t like but Does it really matter? If she is obsessed with the Bachelor does that mean she wants to get married tomorrow. Maybe she’s a cool chick who just has awful taste in television. I’m trying not to judge here.

My only requirement is that you’re extremely out of my league. lol. Call it shallow or whatever but I want a hot girlfriend. I’m hilarious and I could be rich and famous one day. Then because you loved me from day one, you can pretend it’s not about the money when you divorce me and take half. AND I’ll be fine with that because I’ll be rich and famous and I’ll be able to get a hotter, younger wife anyway. BUY LOW, SELL HIGH, LADIES. *sigh* What am I thinking… hot girls don’t understand the stock market.

I have a picture with an arm full of kittens on my profile because my mom made me take it, and it’s like the only photo I have of myself that I’m not holding a microphone. Some girl emailed me “omg kitties are my weakness. I think I’m in love.” I was like “That’s all it takes? I’m learning this shit way too late.” I don’t know how I can take advantage of this information. I’ve heard of guys taking dogs to a dog park to meet girls. Can I put my cat on a leash and take it to a park and just be like bitches love kittens. Do I go up to girls in bars like “Hey I’ve got two little kittens at home. You wanna come check them out?”