Gangsta Rap Made Me Do It!

My dad has a theory that rap music taught me to objectify women at a young age and that’s why I’m still single. I disagree. These bitches just don’t know what they’re missing. Besides, Classic Rockers invented the groupie. MY PEOPLE just improved upon the design. Don’t get mad because IBM made a better typewriter.

Yes. Rap music is what’s wrong with society. I remember that classic Aerosmith song. “Respecting women in the Elevator.” Steven Tyler never had groupies. Yeah right. My mom was one. lol. Too far? Ok. To be fair. They dated and took naked pictures BEFORE he got famous. I don’t think I’ve written any of those jokes on here.

Rappers do make plenty of songs that can be perceived as disrespectful to women, but they also make tons of song about having money. I chose a career in comedy. Clearly those subliminal messages haven’t rubbed off on me.

I met Ozzy Osbourne when I was a kid. I’ve never abused prescription drugs or eaten bats. Besides, look at those giant gold chains. Rappers didn’t even invent bling. My whole life is a lie!

Gee, pops. Maybe it was those great genetics and self consciousness I had handed down to me. Nice teeth, now I’m forced to wear a retainer or look like I grew up in North Bend. Oh wait. I did.

Bone Thugs N Harmony have a 9 minute song called “For the love of money.” – If the subliminal messages in rap music were really rubbing off. I might have chose a different career. Rappers like to pour champagne on women. I would never do that. I can’t afford champagne. and bitches don’t like it when you spray them with sprite!