Karma is a Bitch and So is Mother Nature

I’ve got a car in there somewhere. I’m stuck in the comedy condo. At least the headliner is a very nice guy and 15 years sober. I’m pretty sure this is how comedians develop drinking problems in the first place. I think that’s the number one thing people under estimate when they become a comedian. The work. On stage is the fun part. The hard part is all the other stuff. The writing, the booking, not developing a drug habit. That stuff is hard work.

Here’s what happened. I booked a run in the midwest in January. On purpose. I got really lucky for a while. It was really really cold, but dry.

Then it started snowing in Seattle. A lot! My parents got like 14 inches of snow. My mom started emailing me 18 pictures a day. I wished someone would un teach her the internet. she needs a hobby. She spent a whole day building giant snowmen and taking pictures. Then she would email me with captions like “oh no! The snow family forgot to evacuate!” I was like “I’m pretty sure they don’t want to be in San Diego right now. They’re made of snow.” I got over 50 likes from facebook friends making fun of her in my status updates and uploading her pictures. Meanwhile I’m leaving a day early here and there and driving through a little bit of snow but nothing crazy just laughing it up for all my Seattle friends.

I got to grand junction, Colorado the other day to spend a few days hanging out with my only friend left that’s not a comedian before I have to be in Denver. I checked the 10 day forecast on Monday. It looked all clear. Then literally the night before I’m supposed to leave, my friend sees an email that says a snowstorm is coming in. I check the weather channel. Denver is supposed to get hit with 2 feet of snow in 24 hours starting around noon. I’m 4 hours away from Denver. I got to sleep about 4am. I wake up about 8am and hit the road. Everything is still clear. I get to the comedy condo at 1 or 2. Still clear. The storm is a little late, maybe it won’t be that bad. I check the weather at the condo. Nothing is changed, still expecting a huge storm.

About 7pm, we head to the club for the 730 show, there’s a few flurries. By the time our show is cancelled due to lack of attendance. It’s snowing for real. It’s sticking on the ground and you can tell it’s gonna accumulate. The headliner and I grab a giant pizza and head to the condo for the night. I’m woken up at like 2am because there’s a car spinning it’s wheels outside my window on the road. Some tiny lowered honda civic is trying to get unstuck. but he’s 5 feet from my car. I’m thinking he’s gonna smash it. At least if he did, he wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere.

Woke up at like 11 and called my friend to go meet for lunch. I went out to my car. There’s a good 11 inches on the ground. It took about half an hour to dig my car out. Then once I got out the roads were clear and it wasn’t snowing anymore. So things looked good. I get to Red Lobster, eat some lunch and have some fun conversations with a friend. Got back out to the car and it was snowing heavily again. Hanging out at the condo. It’s about 4pm and we get a call that tonights show’s are cancelled. So now I’m sitting in the condo and I’ve used up all of my saved blog topics. I can’t think of what to write about, and I can’t get out to do anything to write about because we’re expecting another 3-5 inches overnight and the roads to ice up. I can’t even go to my show. I’m getting insane. I’m worried I’m not gonna be paid. I take back every joke about my mother I made.

I was reading an article on the snow storm. The quote said “The storm warnings prompted shoppers to stock up on food and liquor, while Colorado lawmakers canceled legislative work on Friday.” I’m glad the people of Colorado have their priorities right. Food and Liquor! No firewood, shovels, tire chains, or blankets. We’re eating and getting drunk. As long as I’m not the only one who gets the urge.