Minor Seismic Activity

My dad works on the radio (if you’re here, and you don’t know that. You’re bad at google and found me by accident.) He likes to brag about things I’m up to when other comedians come on the show (don’t ask me how he brags about Kansas but regardless.) The other day he had EARTHQUAKE in. My dad called me and told me he was “bragging” about how I’ve been traveling and sleeping in my car and Earthquake agreed and said “That’s how you do it. You gotta hit the road, make no money and sleep in your car.”

First of all. Earthquake is a big guy. I just weighed myself today. 128 pounds! (although. I’m staying with my friend who lives with his girlfriend. So I think the scale is set a little low if you know what I mean. Not that his girlfriend is out of shape, but I just assume all pretty women have issues like that.) Anyway. #ADD. I’m tiny. I get uncomfortable in my Corolla. In fact I bruised my hip because I slept on the seatbelt one night. There’s a spot you can tuck the buckle into for between the seats (new isley brothers song) but maybe I just forgot. The bruises only appeared on one night out of a couple that I’ve spent in my car. Maybe that’s how he did it, he kept the extra weight for cushioning. Although when he was coming up, gas was probably cheaper. He probably rode his Caddy across the country. Can we make any more stereotypes?

Earthquake is a big dude. What kind of car is he sleeping in? A semi truck? Was he ever smaller? Is this back when he was just a 3.0 on the Richter scale? Did he have a different name when he was smaller? You can’t have the name Earthquake when you’re 140 pounds. “WELCOME TO THE STAGE… MINOR SEISMIC ACTIVITYYYYYY”

Anyway. Sorry for the up close shot of my side there. The bruise doesn’t look that bad actually on camera. My dad says he’s having trouble keeping up and I’m allowed to make the posts shorter. So I’ll keep this where it’s at. Carry on with your day.