More on the old Roommate

by Andrew · March 6, 2011

Craigslist is bad for dating. Everyone knows that. Especially if you’ve listened to my act. It’s pretty much bad for everything though. I’ve been finding my apartments on there lately. Now I usually just rent a room in a house. You find a better deal. No lease. No huge deposits. You have a whole house. Etc.

The place I moved into, an 80 year old guy moved in a couple days after me. Like. Seriously OLD. He walks with a cane, and he’s always like “ah you’re a comedian huh? I’ll tell you some jokes.” and I’m like … go away.

He spends all of his time in the bathroom too. I don’t know what he’s doing in there. Changing his diapers or making beer in the bathtub. I had to tell him “look. It’s legal now.” It’s always awkward trying to bring girls home. We start fooling around and she’s like “do you think he can hear us?” I’m like “I don’t think he can hear anything.” – What’s even more awkward is when he tries to bring girls home. They get loud. Plus he’s always trying to come in and borrow my lube.

I’m like Dude. Why would I have lube?

Which reminds me. I never did finish this story.

I was getting down to biznessssss with a lady one time. Things weren’t going as well as we hoped. To put it politely her natural … stuff… wasn’t working normally. And I’m not the type to bring it up. It feels like sandpaper, but I’d rather just fake it and go to sleep. So she goes “Do you have any lube?” and I’m like “no.” she goes “What kind of single guy are you?” I’m like … “The type of guy that’s never needed lube?” What’s that about? It’s not MY problem. Why would I have that. If that’s your issue, you have it, right? I can’t be like “Hey, I can’t get it up, will you fix your face?”