OKCupid

I joined this website so i have more excuses to not leave the house. I thought all websites made you pay but turns out you can get rejected on a constant basis absolutely free.

The thing thats annoying about online dating. You cant see someones personality. It turns it all into a checklist. You become much pickier online.

Do you want a girl with kids? No. Im still a kid. How am i gonna raise one?
Do you want a girl with red hair? No. I want hot interracial babies and a son that plays in the NBA.
How about a girl in the marines? No. A girl who can do more pushups than me is a problem.
How about a girl with pre existing incurable medical conditions? No. Why? If it breaks after you buy it, that’s one thing, but you wouldn’t buy a car with a bad radiator just cause it’s a better deal? Especially if it can’t be fixed.
Would you date a girl slightly overweight? No. I can’t do fat girls. Nothing against you. It just doesn’t work. I drive a coupe. Not a lot of leg room. Bad on gas mileage. etc..

When in reality. Ive had various levels of relations with a girl that would match one of those “dealbreakers” because the person captured my interest with their personality and it made them fun to be around. Which proves OkCupid isnt as good as desperation. Im about to join somebodypleasetouchit.com

This whole thing works against me too. Do girls wanna check a guys ID to make sure he’s over 18 before they get physical? No. But i’ve gotten some ridiculously out of my league hot looking girls to get various degrees of naked for me. Because I’m very good with roofies. You blink and you miss it. I’m that good.

Seriously though. Every girl says she wants to date a funny guy. Im funny. Its my job. That should put me credibility wise above anyone else on that site. Girls like comedians in the same way they like baseball players. Only if they’ve seen you on tv. Nobody is rushing to date the backup catcher on the yankees triple a ball team.

You have to pick a username. Which is something I think people overlook. That’s your first impression.

Here’s a few real usernames I’ve seen browsing the site:

badest_bitch07
I like the attitude. but you gotta spell it right.
bigdirtybitch
LOL. Again with the potty mouth. Look you gotta ease into these things.
futurexwife86
I hope 86 is her birthyear and not the number of marriages.
Im_A_Lady
Are you trying to convince me or yourself? I didn’t think twice about it until you mention it but now looking at your pictures, I’m not so sure.
Iamthewolfgirl
maybe you took the no shave november thing a little too seriously. It’s for men only. Shave the mustache, darling.
cointoss
The most honest username ever. Online dating is a cointoss. Still not inspiring confidence.
velocirapist
That sounds dangerous.

Today I got an email from OKCupid that said based on their research they have detected that I’m now among the most attractive people on OkCupid. AWw. Thanks Ok. I bet you say that to all the guys. Because of this they’re going to update my matches and show me more attractive people. WTF, OkCupid has been holding out on me this whole time? and What’s so bad about ugly people hooking up with attractive people in the first place? If my next email is going to talk about the “sub humans” and “master race” I swear I’m deleting my profile.

Peter John Pilittere - Yankees Triple A Backup Catcher

<– A picture of the yankees Triple A backup Catcher. Guess what? Here’s an interview about his life. Lots of talk about xbox, and DVDs. No mention of a girlfriend or wife or family. Your honor, the prosecution rests.