Piggy Bank

My bank asked me if my job offered me direct deposit. I’ve been with the same bank my entire life. This is the first time they’ve asked me that question. This is the first time I’ve had enough money in my account for them to think I’m employed.

It amusing to me how poor I am. I had like $2,000 in cash from a bunch of shows, I just couldn’t get to the bank for a few weeks. I was pulling up to the bank thinking, great, I’m gonna have to fill out all these forms and they’re gonna think I’m a drug dealer. I get to the counter. They’re like “You’re fine.” Then I realized. Drug dealers probably have more than $2,000. Also, it’s a bank. They’re stealing millions from the stock market and overdraft charges. The bank is like “We don’t care how you get your money, just give it to us so we can steal it.”

I’m not poor. I mean, I made $30,000 doing comedy last year, which is great, but now that I work really hard for money, it changes how I think of it. It’s more valuable. I’ll be thinking about buying something. I’m like $75 for a pair of sneakers? That’s half an hour of bombing at a bar gig in Tacoma. That ain’t worth it!