The First Time

Forewarning. This blog is gonna get a little gross for the light hearted people out there. lol. It was a real conversation with a friend that led me back to some funny memories. I’ve been doing this story at open mic a little bit and it’s getting a good response. I figured I’d put it up here since I’ve been slacking on writing as often as I should and even when I do, I slack on writing them up here too. Then when I do write them on here they all happen on the same day, so it looks like I have serious writers block and then one day write 9 blog entries. lol. I’ll try to get more up soon. I’ve got so many things in my phone notepad I’m working on. Anyway. On to the story:

I was talking to a friend about handjobs the other day. We’re close friends, I guess.

Basically, he got a handjob and was really excited about it and I personally don’t care that much. Like, I can do that myself, I’ve got more experience, I know how to do it better. I’d rather have a blowjob. I have a mouth. I just can’t reach mine. So yours comes in handy. But we started talking about having experience. and eventually I started thinking about the first time I discovered how to masturbate.

I don’t remember how old I was. I was young. I was too young. I mean. You talk about shooting blanks. My gun wasn’t even loaded. Nothing came out. Nothing happened. Except for I remember every time after I did it, I had to go pee. So I thought that’s what it was. I thought that was what sex was. You would pee on girls and they got pregnant somehow. I am now aware that’s not how it works but I started to think about it. Maybe that’s R Kelly’s problem. Nobody ever told him that’s not how it’s supposed to work and this whole thing was a big misunderstanding.